Maryland, my Maryland

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I feel like I made the wrong decision. There are good days and a lot of emotionally bad days. I don't really like what I'm doing at UT. I miss home. Texas is not and never will be home for me. The people down here are great, but it is not home. I'm realizing that this is not what I want to be doing. I think I chose the wrong project even though I really like it (most of the time). The project can be super frustrating and stressful, which are things I don't want in life. My body does not react to stress well. It causes aches and pains that I don't need. I want to go back to chemistry, although this sentiment may change in the next day or even hour. I won't quit what I'm doing in Texas, because that would be an even harder emotional blow to me. But, I want to get back home or at least a lot closer to home. I want a regular 9-5 job that pays well and that I don't have worry about obtaining funding or tenure for. I want a job that doesn't follow me home.

Earlier this semester, I applied for a fellowship program that would pay well but would also lock me into a PhD program in the next few years. If I get it, I will have to think long and hard about whether to accept it or not. If I don't, my advisor will probably hate me for that decision. But at this moment in time, I can't see putting myself through the stress of more eduction...at least not now....